lil too late for updates.. its been awhile. i kno. haven't kept anyone updated.

AS I WAS DRIVING HOME TONITE. I GLANCED AT THE MOON. I KEPT AN EYE ON IT. IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS FALLIN DOWN. BUT IT STILL REMAINED IN ONE PLACE. SORTA LIKE HOW I FELT AT THAT MOMENT. IT CAME TO ME THAT I FELT SO DOWN. BUT I REALIZE THAT I'M AT ONE PLACE. IN MY HEART. I WANT TO BE IN FRONT OF U. BUT AT THE MOMENT I WAS IN THE VAN DRIVIN HOME. I HAVEN'T GONE ANYWHERE OR DONE ANYTHING. I JUS THOUGHT TO MYSELF ALOT. WAT U WERE SAYIN AT THE TIME. I CAN COMPREHEND AND I DO CONCUR. BUT DAMN.. I HATE THAT I ALWAYS COLLECT MY THOUGHTS IN SILENCE. I'M GLAD TO HEAR UR VOICE HEAR OF UR THOUGHTS, LISTEN TO WAT UR FEELIN. I WANTED U TO GET U POINT ACROSS. WHICH U DID. I NEVER DID INTERUPT. I SHOULD. I WOULDA TOLD U THAT. I KNO I DO LEAVE THINGS UNDONE. I TELL MYSELF IT'LL B DONE IF U PUSH ME TO DO THINGS BY ACTUALLY SCHEDULING IT AND ALL. BUT TAHTS WAT I SHOULD B DOIN. ITS NOT UR RESPONSIBILITY TO HELP ME THROUGH IT ALL. "I CAN DO THINGS BY MYSELF U KNO" THATS WAT U TELL ME. THATS WAT I SHOULD TELL MYSELF. I FEEL SO DOWN KNOIN TAHT U FEEL THAT WAY. EVERYTIME I'M DOWN. I TEND TO JUS THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH. WHENEVER U GET DISAPPOINTED I FEEL LIKE IT'LL B OKAY WHEN I'M W/ U. THAT WAY I WON'T DISAPPOINT U. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. BUT I SEE U NEED SOME AIR TO BREATHE. YEA I GET CAUGHT UP IN SPENDIN TIME W/ U. THAT U SEE ME NOT MAKIN SOMETHIN OF MY LIFE... DAMN. I FEEL MY BRAIN NEEDS A BEATIN. JUS TO GET MY PRIORITIES DONE..

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I GUESS I'M IN DENIAL. SHOULD I OR SHOULDN'T I?? U KNO HOW I ALWAYS TELL U I CAN'T DIFFERENTIATE WHETHER U'RE PLAYIN AROUND OR UR NOT. MAYB I'M JUS PLAYIN ALONG TOO LONG. U SAY EVERYONE THINKS WE'RE OFFICIALLY BROKEN UP. ARE U TRYIN TO TELL ME I SHOULD THINK THAT TOO? WHEN U WENT OFF.. I JUS GOT DOWN.. I DIDN'T BOTHER U AS MUCH CUZ I KNO U DON'T WANT THAT. BUT I STILL STUCK AROUND. MY MIND SHUTS OFF. BY THE TIME I COME TO AGAIN. UR STILL PUSHIN ME AWAY. IT HURTS TO SEE THAT. I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF IT ACTUALLY BEIN TRUE. I DON'T WANT THAT THOUGHT IN MY MIND. BUT WHEN THE TIME COMES AROUND TAHT I NEEDA ACT LIKE WE BROKE UP. BUT IT GETS SO SERIOUS. "I'M SERIOUS" U SAY. IN MY MIND I'M LIKE HUH?? NO WAY. U KNO? BUT JUS LOOKIN AT UR EYES ROLLIN. I CAN NEVER TELL THE TRUTH. N THE MORE N MORE UR ACTIN ALONG W/ THE BREAK UP. U COME TO TELL ME WAT U THINK OF ME. OF HOW I'M LIKE A DUMB DOG. AND ALL. AND IT LOOKS LIKE UR ACCEPTIN A BREAK OR SUMTIN. ITS NOT TRUE. WE DIDN'T BREAK UP. U R REALLY STRESSED OUT. N I'M NOT HELPIN. THATS IT. ITS BEST THAT I GIVE U SPACE. WE'RE NOT BROKEN UP. I CAN'T IMAGINE US APART INTIMATLY. BUT U HAVE SUCH STRONG FEELINGS OF DOUBT IN ME. THAT U GET CAUGHT UP IN IT. CUZ I DON'T SHOW ANY IMPROVEMENT. "BE PAITENT HUN" IS WAT I SAY IN MY MIND. BUT MY HEART KNO'S THAT UR NOT. AND THATS WAT I NEEDA FEEL. THAT I NEEDA DO SUMTIN ALREADY. THE SMALLEST THING MIGHT B WRITIN IN MY XANGA. THESE THOUGHTS R NOT FINAL CUZ THEY COME N GO. COLLECTIVELY THEY LINGER IN MY MIND MIXED W/ DOUBT IN MY FINANCIAL STATUS AND THE RELATIONSHIP I HAVE W/ MY FAMILY AS WELL AS THE WELL-BEING OF MYSELF. BUT MOST OF ALL I DON'T WANNA GO ON LIVIN THIS LIFE OF MINE WITH OUT KNOWIN THAT I HAVE U IN IT U KNO.. I KNOW IN MY MIND I WANNA MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR U BUT I END UP MAKIN A MESS. THROUGH IT ALL I DO CHERISH EVERY SEC THAT I SPEND W/ U. AND EVERY "HOLE" IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. TEARS ME APART UPON REALIZATION. JEN I LOVE U.. N I SAY IT TO U KNOWIN TAHT I FEEL IT. REMEMBERIN U TELLIN ME IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT DOESN'T SHOW OR WHETHER I HAVE A DOUBT THAT U FEEL IT, AS LONG AS I FEEL IT N KNOW IT. N I DO, AND I DO KNO THAT U LOVE ME TOO. THANK U HUN. THANK U FOR STICKIN W/ MY LAZY BUTT. I KNO I WILL GIVE U THE WORLD SOONER OR LATER. BUT FOR NOW U'LL B IN MINE AND I'LL B IN URS.

GTG TO BED I'LL CALL U NOW. SLEEP TITE AND DREAM SWT DREAMS HUN.. I LOVE YOU

DAMN ITS SATURDAY. ALREADY. IN LIKE 12-14 HRS WE'RE GONNA HEAD OUT FOR SAN DIEGO. NO SUIT JACKET. MOTHER FUGGER. DAMN AYE.

THURSDAY JUNE 3 2004

FRIDAY JUNE 4 2004

SATURDAY JUNE 5 2004

savin my hunnie a page u lazy asss......

THANK YA HUN. I LOVE YOU TOO =]

WELL TODAY WE WENT TO THE OLD NAVY IN PASADENA WERE WE ENCOUNTERED MIKEY'S EVIL TWIN ANTHONY. DUN DUN DUNNN. JK. YEA WASN'T THAT A TRIP. BUT HEY HE FOUND THE PANTS YA NEEDED =P LOL. WE WENT TO THE BEAUTY SUPPLY PLACE IN MP TO GET THE CLIPS. DAMN THEY CHANGED IT UP. I WAS PLANNIN TO STOCK UP TOO. HOW GAY. ANYWAYS WE HEADED BAK HOME N PICKED UP STEPH. WE LATER CUT RICHARDS HAIR AND TOOK HIM TO HIS AVID THING AT SKOO. WE DROVE AROUND KILLING TIME AND ENDED UP AT BRIANS CUZ WE PLANNED TO GO HUB CAP HUNTING. FUCKIN SHIZ GOT ANNOYING. DROVE AROUND. DROPPED BY HOLLYWOOD VIDEO TO PEEP BRIANS NEW COMPANION AND ENDED UP GETTIN OURSELVES SOME DVD'S TEX CHAIN, AND LOVE DON'T COST A THING. WE DROVE AROUND SOME MORE IN ALH, SAN MARINO, AND SG. ENDED UP W/ NOTHING AND TOOK EVERYONE HOME =P